Phrases of Kindness

Have you ever stopped to notice the running commentary that goes through your head on a daily basis? If you took a moment to draw attention to it, do you think it would be positive, uplifting and empowering or is it more negative, degrading or discouraging? 

If you’re not exactly sure what I am referring to regarding a ‘running commentary’ I am talking about the little voice in your head. You may be thinking to yourself, in your mind, “What is she talking about? I don’t have a little voice in my head?!” There it is. That’s the little voice I am referring to. The one that pipes in on and off throughout your day without you even realizing. It can sometimes act as a voice of kindness encouraging and cheering you on, but more often it can be your worst critic and a never-ending torment.  

Knowing that it exists is the first step to figuring out if it is helping you or hurting you, and you can determine what exactly it is saying! Bringing awareness to this little voice can take time. As I started to develop an awareness of my little voice it felt like each time I tried to notice it - it would hide. I would set timers to go off as a reminder and I would sit in silence to draw attention to what I was thinking about myself, and how I was feeling, and it is as if the little voice would hide. I would hear complete silence in my mind - it was probably the only time my mind was quiet. It is important to point out that I also referenced noticing how I was feeling. Your emotions are your guidance system. Emotions are a very good indicator of what is going on in your mind at any given time. The thoughts that you think about yourself, are directly related and influence the way that you feel, which ultimately determines the actions you take and the reactions you have in your physical body. 

For example, earlier in the week I noticed I was starting to feel a tightness in my chest, and a pit in my stomach. After I acknowledged I was having these physical sensations - I realized I was feeling frustrated, flustered, aggravated and annoyed. If I continue to reverse engineer the feelings I was having, it led me to the initial thoughts I had. I was receiving emails from my staff that had me triggered and I was allowing my outward environment (receiving the emails) to cause an internal festering of feelings and overwhelm.

Now, I am not saying you’re not allowed to be frustrated or annoyed by situations at work or in your everyday life. We are all human. We live by our 5 senses in the physical world. Predictably, these things ARE going to happen from time to time - maybe even every day. The key is what are you going to do WHEN they happen. Are you going to allow yourself to get worked up and go down the emotional rabbit hole of frustration? Are you going to spiral out of control mentally until it ruins your entire day? I say that because I have done it… that was me this week. When I went home it took me over an hour to calm down until I felt the pressure in my chest release. It happens.

The question is then, what CAN you do? What can you do in the moment to feel a sense of release or catch those feelings as they develop and shift before they become physical sensations in your body? Or, once you are feeling it physically - because that’s usually when you will notice it - that you can bring yourself back to a place of calmness. 

The FIRST thing to do when you notice the physical sensations is to acknowledge them. “Hmm, I am feeling tightness in my chest; I am finding it hard to breathe right now.” Or, “I feel like my blood is boiling; I have a pit in my stomach.” See if you can put words to the sensation you are feeling. If you can’t find the words, it is also ok to simply acknowledge you’re feeling OFF. 

SECOND, ask yourself, “How am I feeling right now?” It is helpful to write the feelings down as they come to you. “I am frustrated, angry, upset, sad, annoyed, disappointed, aggravated.” Write whatever comes to mind and allow yourself to get it all out of your head and onto the paper! 

THIRD, ask yourself, “What thoughts am I thinking right now?” This may be a bit more challenging to put into words. Do your best to articulate your thoughts. Be conscious of the fact that by acknowledging these thoughts out loud or on paper, some of them may sound ridiculously and outlandish - don’t judge them. These are the tricks the mind can play on you. The thoughts may not make sense but it doesn’t mean you aren’t still thinking them without realizing it. What I found myself thinking earlier this week was, “My staff are inconsiderate. I just finished my hiring process and here they are choosing NOW to resign. I have already lost 5 more people in the past week and the season hasn’t even started yet. What will things look like by Christmas?” And the thoughts went on and on and on. As you do this exercise simply put everything on paper and it may even surprise you what shows up. Often when I do this process I am shocked by the thoughts I am thinking - and then I think, no wonder I am feeling this way.

LASTLY, you get to shift it. Ask yourself, “How do I want to feel? What do I want to think and believe?” For me, I want to believe that my staff are always doing their best. They are human too. It was probably a difficult decision for them to come to. I want to feel compassion, understanding and kindness towards them. And, I want to feel calm and confident that it is going to be a great season and I will have more than enough staff. And, if I need to, I can always hire a few more! 

After shifting your thinking and feelings you can speak phrases of kindness to yourself. Reaffirm the new thoughts, new beliefs, and new feelings you want to feel. As you do, you will find yourself focusing more on the positive things as you continue your day. I am calm. I am confident. I am kind. I am a great boss.

Whatever you focus on grows. If you continue to go through your day focusing on everything that is going wrong then you will continue to find more things to go wrong. If you stop those thought patterns in their tracks and shift them to focus on what you prefer, how you want things to go, and seeing more good things, then you will innately see more good around you. 

The choice is always yours. So the question is, what will you choose?